1. |
Soccer
03:30
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Getting better at reaching out
Getting better at looking down
Keeping my eye on the ball
Seeing if I can score a goal
Like saying something at the right time
Being helpful or at least trying
Been thinking about playing soccer
How I used to love to run
Kick the ball and pass it further
Used to have so much fun
And I always compared myself to the better person on the team
Don't remember ever talking about those feelings
Cause I've learned a lot
Doing pretty well
Maybe I can help someone else
Do you remember when I kissed your ex boyfriend
All the girls at school stopped being my friend
I remember someone said it was the last straw
Never felt like I deserved that
Now I have so much compassion
For people who fuck up when they're fucked up
When I look into the eyes of your 15 year old self
I finally have the chance to say it's alright
When I look into the eyes of my 15 year old self
I finally have the chance to say it's alright
Cause I've learned a lot
Doing pretty well
Maybe I can help someone else
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2. |
Haunting
01:20
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I googled your name and I saw what you wrote
I felt empathetic for ya, lump was in my throat
Then I started to laugh at all your nonsense
Your words disgust me, despite their eloquence
Even now you refuse to see how
You might care to be, a little less carefree
Well you reap just what you sow and you planted shallow graves
Now we've all been haunting you, cause you've never changed
And the strength I had to leave ya, is more strength than you'll ever know
And having to skip town, well ya reap just what you sow
Even now you refuse to see how
You might care to be, a little less carefree
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3. |
Ancestors
02:54
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I think of my ancestor's tooth, wonder if I'm doing the right thing
We almost went to Australia, almost went to the Southeast
I think of my ancestor's tooth, wonder if I could be the front man in a loud punk band
I don't know if the high is good enough, I dive into the crowd, everyone's dancing
I want the glamorous lifestyle, want the hours in the van
Want the fans to tell me I helped them through a tough time
I want the words you can't take back, from those tiffs with the band
I want the gas station snacks and the shitty, smelly couches
But when I go home, well I'm changing my tune
I wanna make more money, honey
I wanna have a baby, baby
I wanna feel like this forever, and ever
I think of my ancestor's joy, and how lucky I am to be me
Able to travel 'round the world, happy, safely
I think of my ancestor's joy, how they walked through the streets, in their own clothing
All of the shit they had to take, and they still managed to demonstrate
I want the glamorous lifestyle, want the whispers and the stares
Want the kids to ask me if I'm a boy or girl
I wanna hang with the community, wanna sing with the trans kids
Wanna tell them it's okay to feel this way
But when I go home I'm just a regular dude
I wanna make more money, honey
I wanna have a baby, baby
I wanna feel like this forever, and ever
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4. |
Cricket Interlude
00:30
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5. |
Gender Fucked
03:20
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Gender fucked and sensitive
Fell in love with a few alcoholics and drug addicts
Feeling frustrated, that I'm feeling frustrated
Since when did feelings feel so extreme
I guess that's an upgrade in sobriety
I remember when I was a teen and I sat on my bed and felt pure fury
Next I remember doing ketamine off a record on the floor
Then I remember you coming on to me when you hadn't come on before
My mom was so worried
My dad wasn't there
My siblings oblivious
I left town for somewhere
I remember being in my room with the lock on the door
Dylan was there like he was nothing I'd ever seen before
We were always in danger then, tried not to remember when you ran
I thought all of my drugs were gone, but I was just bad at organizing them
Soon I found some others
Who felt the same as me
We were always on the floor
Then suddenly we were running -- for exercise
(1 2 3 4)
Yesterday I had to move my body to attend to the feelings that felt nearly burning
My therapist is always asking if things feel unbearable to me
I'm not always sure
But I keep putting my feet down on the floor
Keep putting my feet down on the floor
I'm just working to bring
Something good back to these memories
The stakes are high for me to stay alive
I love my life and I used to love to die
I'm just working to bring
Something good back to these memories
The stakes are high for me to stay alive
I love my life and I used to love to die
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6. |
Decadent
01:38
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Guess I'm decadent
Self-indulgent
Use my food stamps to buy wine and cheese
Yes I'm decadent
Self-indulgent
Just look at me on your screen
I don't know if I'll ever know what those monks do
I was vegan for three years once, I swear, it's true
When I left my old body I had to say goodbye
Onwards and upwards and outwards
They say, thick thighs save lives
Guess I'm decadent
Self-indulgent
Use my food stamps to buy wine and cheese
Yes I'm decadent
Self-indulgent
Just look at me on your screen
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7. |
I Was a Man
03:38
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I always wanted to be one of the boys
But you wouldn't catch me playing with no boy toys
I performed perfectly
Pointed my toes to the beat
And no one knew just quite what was wrong with me
I didn't understand why I couldn't be a man
Once my chest grew it got all of the attention
So I quickly learned that's all I was good for
I was dancing and screaming and singing and fucking and building all my walls up tall
I knew all along there was something so wrong
Started questioning everything
Maybe this wasn't really me
Never knew my trans history
The AIDS epidemic
The Lavender Scare
Cross dressers and butches
Fairies and dykes
Studs, bois, twinks and queens
Never knew how genitals don't fucking mean what's in your heart
What's in your heart
All the kink and the leather
The queers and the faggots
The bricks thrown in windows, the protests and riots
We are powerful when we take up space
I had to unlearn all the fake shit
The whole time I was a man
The whole time I was a man
The whole time I was a man
We are powerful when we take up space
I had to unlearn all the fake shit
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Public Transit Pennsylvania
folkpunk music
He/They
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